
Not quite fairies at the bottom of the garden, but she'll do.
(Do excuse the state of my phone's zoom)





Non-believers, thanks for nothing. Eternally grateful I don’t think. Don’t bother invoking My help the next time it all goes pear-shaped. If you WANT it to go pear-shaped you can always buy some of that expensive design software from the Gehry Corporation, can’t you? You snivelling distracted heathen dabblers.
Architecture and I go back a long way. Ask your old pals the Freemasons. Who created the universe? I did. Who am I? The Great Architect. I didn’t ask to be called that. I would have preferred Tecton, Master of The Galaxies. Or The Omnipotent Spatial Masterplanner. Almost anything else to be frank, I’m just not that keen on The Great Architect. Makes me sound like the managing director of Jehovah + Partners, some turgid outfit doing modular housing in the Thames Gateway.
Which reminds Me. I know an interventionist God is a bit passé these days but the next practice using “+” instead of “and” in its name, or deploying a row of lowercase bullshit with “:” in the middle... well. Upon them will be visited a most calamitous vengeance. And this is not Arb speaking here — I am God, so watch it.
Architects have traditionally been accused by their victims of playing Me, which is ridiculous. If people stopped to think for a moment about the logistics of social engineering they would realise it is money, not architecture, imitating Me. And in terms of infrastructure I think you’ll find the righteous paths are chosen by the county council.
While I think of it, I’d like to take this opportunity to disown a poem currently circulating on the internet in which God’s Architecture is a snowflake. In no way is this architecture. Snowflakes are essentially a feat of engineering. Obviously I take credit for that too. A snowflake conforms to My laws of physics.
One of the questions I sometimes ask Myself is how should architecture serve Me? Unfortunately, I’m dealing with defective software here. In My experience, which is pretty extensive, architects are overwhelmingly secular. It goes with concepts like urban and rational. These days, when one of you is outed as a believer — Quinlan Terry for example — they’re treated with pity and derision. Firstly for being God’s Architect, secondly for not being Gaudi or Pugin. So what? I’m allowed only one architect at a time? In My mansion is an infinite volume of epic space. Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.
You won’t, though, will you, because the smart thing these days is sustainable paganism. I may not be revered any longer, but you’re all perfectly relaxed about this new green religion. Oh, brilliant — Earth worship. I thought you’d done with that, ages ago. Please. The Earth is just a big fat clod. Yet apparently it must be appeased, and feared. “O wrathful Earth, do not choke us all or boil us. O great Gaia, spare us and we will mend our ways. And could you put in a good word for us with your mate the sun god Ra? Or whatever he’s called this week?” You thick ants.
I acknowledge there has been some cracking architecture done in My name throughout the ages. Temples, churches, supermosques. Lovely. Houses of Me. Thanks. Good job.
Except I’m not corporeal, am I? I’m everywhere and nowhere baby, as per Jeff Beck’s classic party floor-filler, Hi Ho Silver Lining. So at the moment, yes, I’m definitely “at home” in, say, Ely Cathedral. Gorgeous nave. But I’m actually “in” social housing too. You know, that haunting stuff you recoiled from, guiltily, when you glimpsed it the other day out of the train window. Don’t even bother pretending you didn’t. I am God. I AM your conscience.
I know Mies van der Rohe once said I was in the details. And I know he’s everybody’s favourite modernist autocrat. But to be honest he was more interested in the luxury end of the market than theology. No, I am in the POINT of a building. I don’t just mean spires either, you scuttling idiots.
Anyway, listen, take care.
"I'm really excited by the level of intelligent engagement by the local leaders in Abu Dhabi although there's still a big discussion to be had about the planning of new buildings. What they want from the architecture, by me, by Zaha Hadid and others, is a "string of pearls", stretching to the water to form a new "cultural quarter" to attract tourists; but, there's a bit of tendency to want a nice new building from each of us without enough thought about how they'll all hang together. I'd like to be more involved in the urban planning, but that's a lot to ask; you can't just say, especially when you've just arrived, hey, I'd like to redo your city."So often it appears that these starchitects don't have enough concern for context. Or perhaps they're not allowed to. I suspect the practices are handed a plot and have very little input on its surroundings. We see that in competitions we've entered at work - someone else has done the masterplan and we get given a plot number to design a building for (especially with housing developments).
Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).
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On September 9, 1995, War Child released an album called Help. Featuring, among others, Oasis, Radiohead, Manic Street Preachers, Paul McCartney, The KLF, Blur, The Charlatans, The Chemical Brothers and Paul Weller, it was a fund-raiser with a difference - you see, before Help, charity records always followed an unspoken rule... they were rubbish.Not only did the proceeds of this particular record help children caught up in a shocking war in Yugoslavia, it was also very good.

| You are 38% geek | You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator.
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com Tuesday, February 17, 2004
BTW, that Peak Park planner I mentioned in september finally gave us a decision on the application a fortnight ago. Well, an approval of the Listed Building Consent anyway. It's supposed to (in the legal obligation way) to take eight weeks. And still they're holding out on the planning permission for a Section 106 agreement. AND they want our client to PAY their legal department for drawing it up. I'm not sure I want to take the phone about that.
I don't like 106 agreements anyway. I think they're a bit like a legal backhander. You give us this and we'll approve your development... Yes, sometimes they can be used to improve developments, provide community facilities for housing developments and that kind of thing, but I still don't think it's quite right. Either a development is acceptable or not. I started doing an MSc by distance learning. Building Conservation Technology and Management from Heriot-Watt. So, I joined the library at Sheffield Hallam. Now, there's a badly designed building. To get to the main library you have to go through other buildings. What's wrong with that? The entrance is off a terrace. You have to go through the building find the right floor go outside an go back in again. In joining I managed to confuse the librarian who didn't know what to do with a UK Libraries Plus form. It's a scheme that allows part time & distance learning students to join local uni libraries incase you didn't know. It took three of them to figure it out and they tried their best to be helpful and explain how many books I could take etc but failed to manage to tell me anything useful. Well, I asked someone else and figured it out in the end. So, now I have some books I have to start writing my essays, don't I? I am trying. Honest. UK Libraries Plus Heriot-Watt Uni home page Wednesday, February 04, 2004
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