A message from The Great Architect

God writes in BD?

Non-believers, thanks for nothing. Eternally grateful I don’t think. Don’t bother invoking My help the next time it all goes pear-shaped. If you WANT it to go pear-shaped you can always buy some of that expensive design software from the Gehry Corporation, can’t you? You snivelling distracted heathen dabblers.

Architecture and I go back a long way. Ask your old pals the Freemasons. Who created the universe? I did. Who am I? The Great Architect. I didn’t ask to be called that. I would have preferred Tecton, Master of The Galaxies. Or The Omnipotent Spatial Masterplanner. Almost anything else to be frank, I’m just not that keen on The Great Architect. Makes me sound like the managing director of Jehovah + Partners, some turgid outfit doing modular housing in the Thames Gateway.

Which reminds Me. I know an interventionist God is a bit passé these days but the next practice using “+” instead of “and” in its name, or deploying a row of lowercase bullshit with “:” in the middle... well. Upon them will be visited a most calamitous vengeance. And this is not Arb speaking here — I am God, so watch it.

Architects have traditionally been accused by their victims of playing Me, which is ridiculous. If people stopped to think for a moment about the logistics of social engineering they would realise it is money, not architecture, imitating Me. And in terms of infrastructure I think you’ll find the righteous paths are chosen by the county council.

While I think of it, I’d like to take this opportunity to disown a poem currently circulating on the internet in which God’s Architecture is a snowflake. In no way is this architecture. Snowflakes are essentially a feat of engineering. Obviously I take credit for that too. A snowflake conforms to My laws of physics.

One of the questions I sometimes ask Myself is how should architecture serve Me? Unfortunately, I’m dealing with defective software here. In My experience, which is pretty extensive, architects are overwhelmingly secular. It goes with concepts like urban and rational. These days, when one of you is outed as a believer — Quinlan Terry for example — they’re treated with pity and derision. Firstly for being God’s Architect, secondly for not being Gaudi or Pugin. So what? I’m allowed only one architect at a time? In My mansion is an infinite volume of epic space. Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.

You won’t, though, will you, because the smart thing these days is sustainable paganism. I may not be revered any longer, but you’re all perfectly relaxed about this new green religion. Oh, brilliant — Earth worship. I thought you’d done with that, ages ago. Please. The Earth is just a big fat clod. Yet apparently it must be appeased, and feared. “O wrathful Earth, do not choke us all or boil us. O great Gaia, spare us and we will mend our ways. And could you put in a good word for us with your mate the sun god Ra? Or whatever he’s called this week?” You thick ants.

I acknowledge there has been some cracking architecture done in My name throughout the ages. Temples, churches, supermosques. Lovely. Houses of Me. Thanks. Good job.

Except I’m not corporeal, am I? I’m everywhere and nowhere baby, as per Jeff Beck’s classic party floor-filler, Hi Ho Silver Lining. So at the moment, yes, I’m definitely “at home” in, say, Ely Cathedral. Gorgeous nave. But I’m actually “in” social housing too. You know, that haunting stuff you recoiled from, guiltily, when you glimpsed it the other day out of the train window. Don’t even bother pretending you didn’t. I am God. I AM your conscience.

I know Mies van der Rohe once said I was in the details. And I know he’s everybody’s favourite modernist autocrat. But to be honest he was more interested in the luxury end of the market than theology. No, I am in the POINT of a building. I don’t just mean spires either, you scuttling idiots.

Anyway, listen, take care.

Starchitect talks sense?

Frank Gehry blogs for the Guardian about designing a new Guggenheim for Abu Dhabi.

The talking sense part? This paragraph:

"I'm really excited by the level of intelligent engagement by the local leaders in Abu Dhabi although there's still a big discussion to be had about the planning of new buildings. What they want from the architecture, by me, by Zaha Hadid and others, is a "string of pearls", stretching to the water to form a new "cultural quarter" to attract tourists; but, there's a bit of tendency to want a nice new building from each of us without enough thought about how they'll all hang together. I'd like to be more involved in the urban planning, but that's a lot to ask; you can't just say, especially when you've just arrived, hey, I'd like to redo your city."

So often it appears that these starchitects don't have enough concern for context. Or perhaps they're not allowed to. I suspect the practices are handed a plot and have very little input on its surroundings. We see that in competitions we've entered at work - someone else has done the masterplan and we get given a plot number to design a building for (especially with housing developments).

Gehry ought to be concerned about the setting of his building. A poor setting will detract from it and poor access will deter visitors. His client won't be happy.

PMA

I think I've figured something out.

Now I've passed my driving test I can drive. I think to myself "I've passed my test that means I can drive".

Before I'd passed the thought was ore like "I haven't passed my test - I can't drive".

Maybe Linford Christie was right about that Positive Mental Attitude stuff after all...

I read books as a kid...

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Lutyens' Cathedral

The model of Lutyens' RC Cathedral design for Liverpool is finally restored and going on display at the Walker Art Gallery. The Guardian have included an article about it today in the G2.

I was going to post about it, but Andrew Cusack has beaten me to it. While his post is good, I don't agree with what he and some of his other readers have to say about Gibberd's design.

Gibberd's cathedral has to be seen from the inside. I suggest Andrew Cusack's readers (and the rest of you) start here.

I think that the Lutyens' design would have been completely out of scale with the city and probably outgrown by the modern liturgy. Adrian Gilbert Scott's pared down version would not have done justice to the original scheme and, I think, suffered the same liturgy related issues. I suggest there would be problems with an older style building and the modern liturgy because of the vast numbers of churches having their interiors reordered these days - I've worked for a practice where that was our bread and butter. Gibberd's in-the-round design allows for a more modern approach to the acts of worship. Many Anglican and Catholic congregations are seeking this approach rather than the 'old fashioned' sanctuary and high altar at the far end of the church. I think this is a Good Thing - more inclusive worship.

I hope to get down to Liverpool to see the model at some point before April, however it is rather far away these days. Perhaps I'll have to wait until it is installed in 3XN's Museum of Liverpool in 2010...

Sarah skiing home

Sarah skiing home
Originally uploaded by Don Sean.

It did snow.

So, last night - late last night - we went skiing in the field at the back of our house!

Windy weather

As I've been commenting on other people's blogs, it's really not been windy up here. We've missed out on all the gale force and hurricane type fun. In fact, for January, the weather's been fairly nice....

I just wish it would snow. My skis are still new and shiny and untouched. And I need the practice before Ski Alpine in March.

Pass Plus

I finished off the last two hours of my Pass Plus last night. It isn't tested as such, but the instructor has to mark on a form whether you've Achieved or Exceeded the required standard. I got all As - but he did say that they're told to mark harshly...

Driving

Today I will be doing a Pass Plus course. However, Sunday night's drive home almost did away with the need for it. I drove from Southport to Gretna, up the M6 in the pouring rain. A big achievement for me!

So, we will see how well today goes. I wonder how many bad habits I've picked up in the last couple of months...

Losing the clone city fight?

World's oldest record shop to close?

PostSecret

PostSecret

Calendar

It appears my father in law has been busy making a calendar with his own photos. I've seen some of these pics framed in his house and they are very good.

Blogger beta

It would appear Blogger would like me to move to the beta version. This is apparant because it insists on trying to sign me in with my gmail account and won't let me at my dashboard without telling me about the beta twice.

But I want to know if the beta is actually working properly yet. I have heard tales of people not being able to comment from a beta sign in on non beta blogs. I have heard tales of things going all to pieces after changing over.

Isn't a beta version so called because it is not yet a full version? Aren't betas versions still being trialled?

Is it worth it just yet?

Dark

It's dark...
Winter is a coming in. (to paraphrase).

There's snow on the mountains though. Soon it will be time to go and play with my new skis.

Woo Hoo!!

On Monday...

I passed...


My driving test!

First time!

(After 16 months of lessons. Patient instructor.)

I thought I'd failed by collecting too many minor faults. I got 11 - 15 is a fail. I can drive better than I did during the test - I made a few mistakes through nerves, snatching at the gears and that sort of thing (putting the car in 4th instead of 2nd at the first roundabout wasn't a great start). I felt like I was reaching in the wrong place for the gear lever after driving our car at the weekend.

A good chunk of test time disappeared in the drive up to Balmedie and back on the A90 to use the village streets for the manoeuvres. I was asked to demonstrate a turn in the road (3 point turn) and reverse around a corner. Thankfully I didn't have to parallel park or bay park and no cars came when I was reversing. My controlled (emergency) stop was a bit ragged (did better in my lesson beforehand), but only picked up a minor fault. I should have asked the tester to move his seat forward when I was reversing, really, but I bottled it and peered round him.

Any way, I passed. Now I have to pluck up the courage to get out on my own. Then figure out if my insurance cost will be reduced by doing the Pass Plus course.

Northern gardening

I've noticed that my garden up here seems to run about a month behind the one we had in Chesterfield. It's also true of the wild plants. There were ripe blackberries in the Lakes at the beginning of August, the ones near us weren't ready till September. There were masses though - is this a sign of cold winter coming?

I also still have roses and gladioli in flower, but I suspect spring may be slower to appear up here, so this good fortune will be balanced out.

Any way the point of the post...
I have Michaelmas daisies in my garden. They're are the first example of them that I've ever seen flowering at the time of Michaelmas. Which is actually quite pleasing.

What we did last weekend...

He was running with his sister and I was marshalling. I'm not as daft as they are.
Spent a pleasant five hours in Coniston in a car park checking teams on to the mountain section.

No Conkers?

Move to Aberdeen. We've got loads...

PARK(ing)

At first I thought "That's a really cool idea, we could do that outside the office". Then I remembered - on the other side of the parking spaces outside there is a park.

The toll of the bell

I have a bell on my bike, but generally I find that should someone step out in front of me squealing brakes are more effective as an audible deterrant. That or a shouted warning using some short anglo saxon words.